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The Steinkreis Times, Volume 22
INAUGURAL REISSUE!STEINKREIS NEWS, VOLUME XXII
HEADLINES - brought to you by your local News Gnome
Grand Reopening of the Steinkreis Times!
We of the new management of your favorite periodical in your favorite city would like to hail its long-time readers a hearty thanks, assure them of the integrity of the new news team, and praise their meritorious taste in choosing to support this change in ownership. The News Gnomes of the New Steinkreis Times are a riveting, spirited, driven, talented bunch, and the people of our great stone city can expect to be delivered nothing but the best, the most exceptionally astonishing and intrinsically candid articles. Hand over our hearts to you, the people of Steinkreis, never will an issue of the Times be soporific, deceptive, or fabricated falsely.
On another, equally splendid note, we do welcome advertisements, notices, public letters, calls to arms, and any other manner of written piece you may wish to showcase to our readership. Approval from the editor will be required to run your piece, but our trusty News Gnomes and their fearless leader, the great editor himself, will read every piece submitted. We also welcome letters to the editor.
Sincerely and with many thanks,
The new management of the Steinkreis Times
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Planars Assail Steinkreis!
(And other assorted settlements!)
Widows and orphans made anew these past few weeks mourn the brave, good, hearty men and women who were lost in the attack on the front gates of our noble city. Not one, not one and a half, not one and three quarters but two whole dracoliches assaulted and battered our gates, our stones, and bled our soldiers. A valiant twenty-some adventurers stepped in to slay these dread beasts, and reports say that Empyrean guards and Vandal Hawks were sighted on the field of battle! Witnesses say that these attacks were led by an enormous man, with a great beard, dressed in red, and that he hails from another plane. We assure the people of Steinkreis that our sources are very sane, and that this imminent threat is very real, and very dangerous.
Attacks have also been made around Hamley's holdings, in front of Hamley's gates, in and around the elven city of Greenvale, in the city of Sandburrow, and on the road to Raven's Watch. Many of these incursions also involved demonic and devilish armies of extreme power.
In case of any future attacks, the people of Steinkreis are encouraged to stay indoors when at all possible, and to walk the roads of these territories only alongside patrols.
Reports of a mass grouping of birds were made shortly before the offensive began, particularly centered over the Grand Keep. One noblewoman, who has asked that her name remain anonymous, says she witnessed a small group of odd travelers in battle gear attempt to shoot down many of these birds. It was only after the skirmish that intellectuals understood that these birds had been an omen for what was to come. If you see any birds do not engage them and consult your local soothsayer.
Other intellectuals report that these birds not only predicted the great attack, but also some sort of rare disease that has been in recent circulation. The Black Infection is not necessarily fatal, but it is very uncomfortable, and the people of Thain should on be high alert for any of its peculiar symptoms.
Six Signs That Show Your Loved One May Be Infected:
1. They have mysteriously disappeared.
2. They have gone stark raving mad.
3. If any of their bodily fluids are black. (*Note: May also be cursed, or a shadowdancer. Please consult your local priest.)
4. They are expressing interest in travelling to the Underdark or learning about Illithids. (*Note: May also be an adventurer. Please consult your local barkeep.)
5. They are being stalked by birds.
6. They are a kobold.
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Rise in Street Crime!
The backstreets of Steinkreis have become treacherous places in these last few fortnights, moreso than usual. Witnesses say at least five skirmishes occurred somewhere in the city, all of them related to gang activity. The identities of these gangs are unknown, and some say these incidents are completely unrelated, and that there are multiple gangs of criminals running amok in the city! Lord Rittermark was unavailable for comment, but a young knight, Sir Frank Hillar, told our news gnome that he himself witnessed one of these attacks! He would not report to us the specifics of this attack, but he did say that he had received no commands related to the rise in street crime.
To help keep our readers safe, we decided to come up with a few measures that any simple individual could take to keep themselves safe, whether they're on Baker's Crescent or Sparrow Lane, Commoner's Promenade or Bailiff Mews.
What To Do If You Are A Victim of Street Crime
-Throw down an Air Corsair.
-Send for a sorcerer.
-Throw cheese and run.
-Take refuge at the Ogre's Belly Inn. Management of the Steinkreis Times is not responsible in any way for injuries incurred at the Ogre's Belly Inn.
-Hire a bodyguard (or an adventurer) in the future.
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Long May He Grain!
There have been scandalous reports of a bizarre shipment made to the Grand Keep for the esteemed Regent, Lord Telmoran. The contents of this shipment? High quality feed grain. Feed grain is used to feed birds. High quality ones, apparently.
What is occurring behind locked doors in our Grand Keep? Are we the subjects of a fowl overlord? What secrets are cooped up behind those mysterious robes? Could we come up with any more poultry puns? No!
Stay tuned for a thrilling undercover follow-up from one of our very own, very brave news gnomes, Fingle Finn, coming in the next few weeks.
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Classified Advertisements
Under Construction!
A knave from our very own city, Gideon Carter, has started a construction project all the way up in the sandy, beautiful Wastes. The Empyrean encampment has always been a rather bleak place, surrounded by callous rock and unforgiving, fiery beetles. It is no wonder that this bright man had the noble idea to build none other than a tavern, and everyone knows those poor, brave soldiers need it. Carter asks for your help! Yes, yours! Construction and gathering of materials on this new addition the camp has already begun - in fact, it's already been named. Shadow's End, in the place where the Shadow War was fought and ended. Carter is offering exaggerated payment for wood, explosive, and labor, payable to any capable man or woman willing to be part of this thrilling endeavor to thank the Empyrean men and women for their tireless effort in protecting the rest of the island from the dry horrors of the northern wastelands. Knave Gideon Carter is offering*...
Five thousand coin per bundle of lumber
One thousand coin per unit of firepowder
Three thousand coin per day of aid in the construction in the Waste Camp. If you wish to aid in labor, contact Knave Gideon Carter, Knight-Errant Klaudius Korvallis, Knave Bat Canterbury or the paladin Dace Sontan. (*Suppliers must bring proof of their offering to one of the four of the men listed above, and will be paid by Knave Gideon Carter.)
Helpers Always Needed
As usual, the Rainy Day Do-Gooders, a humanitarian organization working directly off of our own streets down in 2 Tanner's Ally, need workers in their Webster's Landing warehouses. The RDDG, as they are called, stocks and ships medical, food, and comfort supplies, and supply them to those who need them. They are also always looking for donations to add to their relief funds. Come and ask for Mr. Hilfgar Wells if you are interested in work or donating.
A Call for Investigation
Do you want to see the island, but lack the funds? Do you wish to have sensational songs sung of your efforts from the Northlands to Hellshire? Are you interested in unlocking the magical and practical secrets of the island, and of our city? Are you bored? Well, look no further!
Our very own exciting, dangerous reporter, Fingle Finn, is looking for thrill-seekers, adventurers, intellectuals, and other such people of all walks of life to help him in all his endeavors. From climbing the slopes of Hammersong Mountain (twice!), to walking the very depths of the shadow plane, Finn is a tried and true adventurer. Come to the Steinkreis Times office with your name and a list of your specialties, and apply to help Finn today!
-Editor
Posted by MetalTree on Monday 09 June 2014 - 23:06:01
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