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Payne
04:14:14 PM 02/27/20
The anti has been raised!

-Clickedy-

DavidtheGreat
03:57:55 PM 02/27/20
Felicity would pay 400k If someone pulled that off. Just sayin'.

archgrendel
03:13:30 PM 02/27/20
.. damn, tips must be good at the Tin Tankard. where do I apply ?

Payne
02:43:42 PM 02/27/20
....payment from Felicity. Apparently she has the most money, other than Lianna...

Payne
02:32:08 PM 02/27/20
Tin Tankard will sponsor the event, 100k to whomever kills Kallista and throws her into Blackrock Prison.

Must be a prisoner to collect, no fake kills.

Shade
02:03:34 PM 02/27/20
That's just cruel!

Evendithus
12:46:29 PM 02/27/20
I predict explosions

Corlupi
11:27:38 AM 02/27/20
06.00!
It's a very early GMT morning.

Glognar
11:02:27 AM 02/27/20
Oh... yea.. 18 hours and the fact that it says 06:00 GMT+1 in the post. Didn't notice that untill you asked now. I'd say it's a morrning session for us GMTers. A shame I have to get to work.

Shade
10:13:53 AM 02/27/20
Wait, is that 6 as in 06:00 or 18:00?



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Living Ramana's Life
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Author Post
Ramana Jala
12:56:42 AM 06/06/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// The Fall of Night //


The sun was setting as Ramana came back to the Crossroads roadhouse. The day had been good, she had practiced her skills, and had carefully avoided getting killed. After two trips through the rune stones, she was quite grateful for the strange magic that had resurrected her, but not eager to experience that shock and confusion again.

She thought of what she had learned in her training practice today. She was sure her swordmaster would be pleased at the development of his apprentice, she was handling the two swords much better now. Today she had used the blocking and undercutting technique with the kobolds and cut them down quite efficiently. And once she had even managed the scissor action to cleanly sever the head of one, to which she had given a little whoop of satisfaction. It was a graceful and powerful art, the Way of the Sword, and one she found that focused her mind and will in a tight beam of purpose, shutting out all uncertainties. And she found the act of killing thrilling... very empowering.... She could protect herself much better now, and be the master of situations.

And he was always there with her in spirit, even when he was away on other business. His words of instruction echoed in her mind as she practiced all that he had taught her. She felt him as a presence always with her, so she was not really ever apart from him-- and although when they were not together she missed the ecstasy of being physically present with him, able to gaze into the depths of his sapphire eyes, she was not ever actually lonely. She was feeling better and better about herself, more confident and self-reliant... with only the occasional edifying blunder. He had given her the ability to take care of herself, and she would diligently apply herself to practicing her skills while he was away. She felt a warm sense of serving and honoring her mentor in the act of perfecting what he had taught her.

She stopped in the shadow of the building, standing away from the people milling about the fire. She was still very reserved, even skittish. This had been the case since after she had been nearly beaten to death, was rescued by him and their pact made, then they had gone into reclusion in the Northlands for him to teach her many things-- the ways of the sword, of survival, and of the wilderness. Not very inclined anymore to speak to people, she would not even volunteer her name unless put on the spot with a direct inquiry. Offhand she remembered only two other people she had told her name to-- and then of course only her first name-- that blue-robed Keeper Varnel, and her new friend Will. She liked Will, he was dashing and smooth, but also respectful... and there seemed to be a kind of compatibility between them. She found him very easy to talk to. When he had told her about his previous life in the city, she had been struck by a certain similarity in their pasts and attitudes, and had almost volunteered more. But as it was, she had only told him about how he reminded her of Roy, her best old friend back in the city who had helped her escape her previous life. She had left out explanation of what that previous life was-- and had not named the city-- and he had not pressed her about it.

(to be continued)



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

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Ramana Jala
12:59:07 AM 06/06/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// The Fall of Night // continued //


Ramana looked out from the shadow at the people around the fire. She remembered how she used to play with men, flitting about and smiling slyly at them, seeking a certain kind of esteem and pleasure from them, while capturing a few gold coins for her favors to them. Now, she stood alone and apart, her face relaxed and not smiling, and evaluated them from a distance. She had no need to go to them, she sought nothing from them anymore-- her heart had been filled with the love of, and for, her beloved Ammon.

She looked to the panorama of the sky. The sun was setting on another day, and the clouds turning red about it reminded her of him. The red orb of the sun was like the fire and passion of his heart, the clouds tinged rosy by it as if with the blood of the vow that had begun the entwining of their destinies. When her life had begun again.

As she silently watched the sun slowly drop in the sky, the clouds curling around the sun darkened, like the shadows that curled around his heart and drew her into him every night when she lay down to sleep, whether they were near or apart. As her soul would fall into his, she would feel the red glow of his heart light her way, his love and care of her welcoming her home. In the night the shadows would continue to play around her, and in her, wrapping her up in him, until his soothing darkness would completely enclose her, to embrace her and keep her safe all through the night.

She felt like she was still trying to define the meaning of love, but she felt sure that this must be it. Like nothing she had ever known before, he filled her heart and soul and enclosed her in his. Her soul rushed naked into his.... so recklessly so, that she could not hardly gaze upon his eyes in public, lest she be transported nearly out of her body with delight.

She smiled as she relived this joy, her heart feeling very peaceful and warm. The sun was now only a sliver of light on the horizon, and the moon and the stars were coming out above the dark clouds with their rosy underbellies. She stepped out of the shadow towards the door, and the last warm ray of the dropping sun caught her in the face. As she looked up and around at the lights starting to twinkle in the darkening sky, she was struck by the mysterious wonder of it all... like the wonder she constantly felt in discovering more of him. And she had no need for gods to explain things and give her some imagined sense of security. She shook her head at this thought, as she simultaneously felt a great sense of freedom and expansion.... He was to her a god... and the feeling was altogether wonderful. She was like the moon reflecting the light that he had brought her, yet suspended in his vast open sky of darkness. She smiled to herself again, and opened the door to go into the roadhouse for dinner, thinking that perhaps she would go for a walk later in the lovely night, surrrounded by the calm and soothing darkness....



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

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Ramana Jala
02:19:46 PM 06/06/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// Lessons in Love //


"Love should never be hoarded or caged"....

Sitting at the lake, Ramana had her notebook out, wherein she had copied many of the poems she had read in Fade's folio after the druid had given it to her to return to Ammon. She was rereading this one. This one had in fact been pointed out to her by the druid Jalla, who said that someone named Ras had read it at her wedding reception. This poem made it even more apparent what Ammon had been talking about those weeks ago. 'Caged' was the word that had been used during The Talk. That conversation between Ammon and Meg and Ramana, when Ammon and Meg's love had first occurred, and Ammon had laid it all out in the open to be honest with both of them. He had said to them, "I love both of you, and one thing I learned is that love can't be caged, or hoarded. I don't want to hurt either of you." Ramana had been uncertain at first-- and for a moment had feared it was a rejection, much like when she had realized that her parents had not really ever loved her-- but then when through the discussion she realized that Ammon would not stop loving her, she had come to terms with it. But Meg had not. If Meg could not be Ammon's only one, then Meg would leave.

In the days after that talk, Ramana had thought long and hard about it, and being as she wanted Ammon to have what he wanted, she had decided to leave the island for a while, and had written a goodbye letter to him. Ramana was at the docks with Will, preparing to leave, when Ammon and Meg came there to try to stop her. There ensued a most unusual negotiation, which ended with the understanding that Ammon and Ramana would remain friends but not share physical love anymore-- this seemed the only thing that could be done for Ammon to have Meg's heart.

But it seems that a relationship under such forced conditions was doomed from the beginning, and a few weeks later Ramana found out from Ammon that he had had to leave Meg. Ramana could see in his eyes that it had been heartbreaking for him to do.

Ramana had come to understand a lot more just lately. The whole sequence of events with the relationship between Meg and Ammon had taught her things. Most of all it had proved to Ramana that Ammon would always love her no matter what, no matter whom else he also loved.

She had even tried to explain it to Meg, after Ramana had found out that it was over between those two, as Ammon's desire was still Ramana's desire. She had tried to explain open and unconditional love to Meg, but Meg didn't understand, didn't want to understand. She felt too hurt and betrayed. Ramana was somewhat of the opinion that Meg had set herself up for this fall, by not being able to accept Ammon's love in the only way he knew how to give it, since Fade. Freely and unconditionally, without obligations on either side. Ramana had asked Meg which was worse, to lose love or be told a lie that sought to preserve love. A hard choice, to deny all other love for just one, to crush the full flowers of love or to crush a new love's blossoming, but that was the choice Meg had given Ammon. Ramana wondered what it was that made it such an unthinkable thing for Meg to consider just loving Ammon without reservation. Maybe it was poor self-esteem-- something that Ramana knew about only all too well-- that made Meg need to feel like she was the only special one in Ammon's heart.

Meg had said to Ramana that she didn't want to be a whore-- but Ramana doubted that she even knew what that was about. Really, she doubted if Meg had ever had any experience of love whatsoever. In some ways she seemed so naieve. Besides, being a prostitute hadn't been so bad, it had paid Ramana's way after she had run away from home. In fact Ramana had found it rather fun-- until she had been beaten up by those sailors and left for dead, of course. But Ammon did not treat Ramana like a whore, he treated her with great consideration and fosterage.

(to be continued)



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

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Ramana Jala
02:21:19 PM 06/06/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// Lessons in Love // continued //


For Ramana it was enough-- she would rather be with Ammon, and share love with him, and have an open mind and heart. But Meg had chosen differently. She had chosen to deny love and not be with Ammon, rather than to not have exclusivity. It seemed to Ramana that Meg did not truly love him, she loved only her own idea of love, more than him. Meg couldn't love Ammon like he needed, she was just being selfish in requiring exclusivity-- she couldn't give him her unconditional love. Meg didn't care to understand Ammon, and why he did what he did, and what he needed. She just wanted her own fantasy, her own 'dream' as she had put it.

It seemed that not many understood Ammon. Ammon was complex and deep, a mystery to most. Even Ramana was only now beginning to understand him. And he was wounded. She didn't know much about his past, except for about Fade-- and her death was still a scar on his heart that might never heal.

Ramana loved Ammon unconditionally and forever, and it did not matter to her that his heart would not be caged. The only one he had ever caged his heart for was his true love Fade. It did not matter to her that his heart would always have a larger part reserved for Fade. It was enough for Ramana to know that Ammon loved her fully and unconditionally.

For Ramana, Ammon had really shown her care and a committment to love and foster her. When he walked in, her life had begun again. As she had lain there on that rubbish heap, unconscious, her body broken and bleeding from that beating, she would have likely died. But he had rescued her-- he had picked up her unconscious broken body and carried her to the lake, and cared for her for days until she had awoken, confused and afraid. Then he had offered to teach her how to survive. And Fade's song had given her blessing upon the pact between Ammon and Ramana. She had been born again at this very place, there at the lake.

She always thought of love when she saw the memorial to Fade play, there at the lake. Almost as if Fade still looked over them and blessed them with a higher love, an unconditional and transcendent love. Ramana felt like it was her privilege to love Ammon, and this love included a heart-felt duty to try to rescue him and heal him from that deep dark despair he had fallen into after his beloved's death. She almost felt like it had been a whispered request from Fade, to love him and care for him, and understand him. Ammon had told Ramana later that she was the reason he didn't die, didn't drown in that pit, and she was glad to know that it was so, that her love had helped him.

So for Ramana, it was enough that Ammon had helped her, and he had give her life back to her. And that she had helped him. It was enough that they had helped each other. And through it all, he had taught her all she knew about love, the meaning of real love, a love committed to the best of the other, over even one's own interests. Love that she had not understood before, that she had never been shown by her selfish vain aristocratic parents. And so much beyond even the great kindness of her old friend Roy who had enabled her flight from home. Ramana had not rushed out to exercise her option to love any other, but she knew now that if it should ever happen, she would not have to limit love for fear of endangering the love that she and Ammon had between them.

It was enough for Ramana to know that wherever Ammon was, no matter how far apart they were, or what each was doing, or whomever else each might also love, she could always trust him to hold her heart. And there was nothing that he could do, or that anyone could say about him, that could ever make her stop loving him.



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

Back to top
Ramana Jala
05:10:34 PM 06/09/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// Introspections //


Over the last week Ramana had gone through a lot. Laying in the bed at the roadhouse, nursing an injured shoulder, she had been having time to mull over everything that needed to be mulled over.

It had all started with an episode of feeling sorry for herself, thinking about her past, and about her present which seemed so empty and unfulfilling when she was apart from Ammon. Already in a black mood, she had then come upon him at the Crossroads having fun with some friends, trying to sing some poetic lyrics, and had felt left out, especially as she had just written her first poem and wanted to read it to him.

But she saw him again a while later, and she did read him her poem. They discussed it some, then they got to talking about why she seemed so depressed. She tried to explain it as best she could. She had gotten to thinking about her parents and her past, and all the mistakes she had made. She had been spending too much time feeling isolated and lonely, still having trouble reaching out and making friends, and having fun herself and being light and social, and missing him when they were apart. So when she had seen him having fun with his other friends, it had just made her pine to be with him and have such fun herself.

He comforted her, and suggested that she not think about him so much, and just try to live and enjoy her life. She admitted that she had probably been focusing too much on him. He perceived it might be related to the token of their pact which she still wore around her neck, which she had been absent-mindedly fingering and hanging onto throughout the conversation. The pact that they had made so long ago, when he had first rescued her and offered to teach her survival skills and the way of the sword. Her devotion to him had sunk much deeper into her heart than just an apprentice's committment, and when he had given her the choice to be released, she had chosen to stay bound, as her heart now irrevocably belonged to him. The symbol of their pact that he had given her to wear about her neck, she had never taken it off.

At that moment he told her to take it off, and she complied, but as if in a daze. When she had removed it from her neck and was staring at it in her hand, suddenly all sorts of feelings came tumbling to the fore. It was as if, as long as she had worn it, she was focused on him-- he was her object of adoration, and in her faith, her meditation on him erased everything besides him from her mind. And even though she was on her own now, and they didn't see each other that often, she had still been depending on him emotionally. She still felt him like a presence with her and watching out for her, and her thoughts were always escaping to delightful contemplation of him. Musing on him was a soothing nepenthe of sorts. Whenever she was unsettled with self-doubts or fears, her mind resorted to thinking about him, supplanting all uncertainties and sorrows and relieving her worries and tensions. Yes, she had pushed back all of her own issues out of her conscious mind-- although the depression obviously showed that her subconscious had been nagging at her. But as soon as that symbol came off of her neck, all her repressed feelings became exposed, and she suddenly felt very alone within herself, on her own and adrift and afraid, and that it was up to her to deal with herself, that she and her life and her emotional state were her own responsibility.

Her eyes sought his, and she could see his love for her in his eyes, and it made her feel again how special she was to him. She leaned into him, putting her arms around him, and he wrapped his arms lightly around her. She sighed softly as she felt his arms move around her, and then started to cry very softly. He held her as she did so, a hand lightly stroking her back. A dam broke open in her heart, and she broke down and cried on his shoulder as he held her, the floodgates releasing for all her self-doubts and uncertainties and regrets, and also for all the lies and losses and sorrows in her past that she had long just pushed away and had never really ever cried over. He held her gently as she cried and cried, until the tears slowed to a sniffle, and she felt a little better. She thanked him for being a true friend, and he replied that he was glad to be. She gazed into his wonderful soulful eyes again and told him she loved him, kissing him gently on the lips, her teary eyes full of love and gratitude. He returned the kiss, telling her that he loved her.

After a moment he suggested that they go sit down, and so they returned to the fire. As she sat mostly silent while Ammon chatted with some fellow, she looked at the token clasped in her hand. She decided she would tie it around her left wrist, so she could still see it and have it remind her of Ammon's love while she sought to take more charge of herself. Then she tried to join in the conversation, but she was so drained from the release of emotional tension, that after a short while she excused herself to get a room at the roadhouse and turned in. But she still felt rather uncertain and fearful, and cried a little more before she fell into an exhausted reverie, full of images of what had happened this day, and memories of the past.

(to be continued)

[ Edited 04:03:24 AM 10/15/08 ]


Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

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Ramana Jala
04:19:55 PM 06/10/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// Introspections // continued //


Thus the feeling sorry for herself had started before the injury, but then really got a head of steam with the dislocating of her shoulder the next day.

The accident seemed like yet another reckless mistake of stupidity on her part. For a while she had been ignoring the twinges when she used her huge hand-and-a-half sword. Then, when she saw the ettin off of the southern road, she was reminded again of her mother's two-faced ugliness beneath her vain beauty, and how her mother and father were like a two-headed monster, and she had gotten angry, so terribly angry at her mother and father, that she had rushed in to expend her anger. She slashed at the creature while yelling angry obscenities towards her parents. She was being incautious, not using the perfect form that the large sword required, when she lunged at the monster to land the killing blow. As the sword stuck in the ettin with killing force and the creature recoiled in its death throes, her extended arm twisted and something went pop in a white flash of pain, and she screamed and let go of the big sword. She also dropped her off-hand sword to grab her right arm with her left, falling to her knees and almost fainting, as the creature fell dead with the big sword impaled in it. She had knelt there in immense pain on the verge of passing out for several minutes, until she could finally manage to laboriously retrieve her swords with her left hand and sheathe them.

Then she had a slow and grueling walk back to the Crossroads to seek help, nearly fainting several times from the painful spasms. Fortunately she found some people there, including a priest that she remembered having met before, Brother Varnel. Her head was swimming and she was barely lucid, but he tended to her and the injury was readily diagnosed because of her inability to move the arm without screaming and nearly passing out from pain. Having determined that the shoulder was dislocated, Varnel helped her to the nearby grove for some privacy, and then quickly reset the joint, at which point she screamed again and did finally pass out. After she awoke a few moments later, she could move it a little, but it was still very sore. Varnel asked her about how the injury had occurred, and after a bit of discussion, gently suggested that perhaps that hand-and-a-half sword was too large for her and putting too great a strain on her small frame, and that she should try a weapon more appropriate to her size and abilities. After that he helped her back to her room at the roadhouse, and she had gone straight to bed, going to sleep instead of reverie, as the shoulder hurt a great deal and she just wanted to be unconscious.

(to be continued)



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

Back to top
Ramana Jala
02:18:54 PM 06/11/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// Introspections // continued //


The next morning she woke up and lay there in bed. It had been an uncomfortable night. She had drifted in and out of sleep, and had had feverish hallucinations. Most of them were fragmented and didn't make sense-- images of her past life before coming to Thain that were stressful, and images of Ammon that were comforting. She could recall only one scenario, where she had seemed to be drifting in the soothing dark depths of Ammon's sapphire gaze, then she had found herself in a cell in a tall tower, looking out through bars to the sea pining to sail away upon the beckoning sapphire waters.

She didn't have much appetite, so was satisfied with reaching into her bag on the table for a few bits of bread and cheese to eat. Moving just made her shoulder twinge with pain, so she lay there all day in bed, napping off and on. When she was awake, her mind drifted to what had happened yesterday, and the day before.

She had wanted to use that huge sword to think herself strong, to overcome any and all that could hurt her. She remembered back to after Ammon had helped her to recover from the horrible beating by those human sailors. He had asked her what she wanted, and she said that she wanted to be strong, and able to defend herself, and prevail against anyone who ever again tried to hurt her. And when she had expressed her desire to use a big sword, Ammon had let her have her way. She supposed that he had let her find her own way to make her own mistakes so that she could learn. But she was just a little elf girl, and she should have followed her swordmaster's own specialty, finesse and speed and agility.

Yes, she had made some big mistakes recently. She seemed to be prone to making mistakes all too frequently. Being given the genteel cloistered education of an aristocratic marriageable commodity certainly had not prepared her for the real world, and her ignorance and inexperience-- especially emotional inexperience-- seemed to crop up at every turn. And she had to admit that she had a tendency to be rather weak-willed, especially in the presence of charismatic types. She cursed the day she had gotten involved in that cult that persuaded her to make that gigantic blunder that she so incredibly regretted, that hung around her neck like a wanted poster and prevented her from showing her face in Feywood. Several times, when she had been invited to go through there, to visit, to shop, or to pass through to fight gnolls, she had had to awkwardly decline, not daring to tell others what she had done. She would have to find some way to right the situation, but at the moment she had no clue what she could do to convince the Feywood guard that it had all been a horrible mistake.

But maybe her most worst blunder was blaming Ammon for having fun, when she had seen him being light and playful with someone else. He absolutely didn't deserve any blame-- if Ramana hadn't been in such a state of self-pity at the time, she would have been glad that he was finding joy. Under normal circumstances it would have truly made her happy to see him happy.

(to be continued)



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

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Ramana Jala
02:51:20 PM 06/11/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// Introspections // continued //


And it had been a mistake to depend on him as her best friend to the exclusion of others. She hadn't realized that she had been doing that, it had slipped up on her. She had found thinking about him and being with him to be more enjoyable and satisfying than anything else, and it had probably left her unmotivated to make much effort to make other friends.

She thought back to her life before Thain. In her parents' house, she hadn't had any friends-- her parents had kept her isolated as if the world would stain her. Then when she had become a young woman, they had kept an even tighter rein on her. But her growing needs made her find a way to break out, and she had made a more intimate acquaintance with the male staff of the mansion, then had persuaded them to help her get outside the walls to explore the city, late at night when her parents were sure that she was at rest. Her parents never checked on her-- the staff were in charge of her, and she rarely saw her parents except at breakfast and dinner and when she was paraded around with them at functions. So even though she had been taught courtly graces, she didn't know much about friends or how to make friends. During her forays into the city, she had met many fellows, and it was easy to have enjoyment there, she didn't even have to ask for their attentions. One had left her some gold afterwards, which she didn't understand at the time, as she would have paid him for such pleasure. But those men weren't really her friends, only one-- Roy-- he had been kind to her. He would be the one to help her escape. After she ran away from home, she had put her interest in men and their interest in her to good use to obtain gold, but none of those had been her friends either. Then after the near-deadly beating at the port when she was newly-arrived on Thain, her previous mere uncertainty with people had turned to wariness and shyness. It had been a quite traumatic thing to happen to her, as back in her elven homelands all had been quite courteous, including the non-elves, even with most she consorted with not even knowing whose daughter she was. Then, although her time reclused as a student with her beloved teacher Ammon had given her more confidence in matters of self-protection and self-reliance, she had become reserved and trusted only him to act in her interest. The only other she had ventured to confide in lately had been Will-- and she was still uncertain about how their friendship should develop, even though she was sure he had a crush on her. So she still had much to learn about what friends were and how to have them.

So many mistakes. And she realized even better than before that many of those mistakes that had shaped her life were those of her parents. She remembered the day she had found out why her heart had always felt so lonely at home, that it was because she had been taught and believed the lie that her parents loved her. When they had found out that she had been sneaking out to visit the city, and had been 'spoiled', they had no care for her and her feelings, only how she had damaged them and made their plans for her arranged political marriage impossible. They had locked her in her room while they considered what they were going to do with her, now that she inconveniently didn't fit into their plans anymore. She had realized that day that she had been living a lie, and that her parents had never ever really loved her. But they didn't realize that she had a master key, so that night she decided to run away, and snuck around to take everything in the house that was valuable and small. Then she had run to find Roy, and he had put her on the first ship going away from there.

Ammon was the first home her heart had ever found, and also her first love. He was her teacher in everything... he was her everything. All she knew about love was what she had learned from him and because of him. But she knew that he was a free spirit, and she didn't seek to constrain him. And he had taught her self-reliance-- she just needed to exercise it with her emotions also, and learn how to have friends.

She felt a certain vague fear when she thought about dealing with all the things she needed to do, like trying to make friends, and become more of a person. She still felt so clueless about so many things, and it was so easy to make rash mistakes. The self-confidence and power she felt when wielding a sword didn't entirely transfer to figuring out the rest of her life. And even her confidence with the sword had just been sorely tested, yesterday.

She sighed and went back to sleep, tired out from the pain and from thinking so much about her uncertainties and mistakes and unresolved issues.

(to be continued)



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

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Ramana Jala
05:45:32 PM 06/16/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// Introspections // continued //


She was in a cell, standing right before a heavy iron door, with a grate in it that she could just stretch up tall enough to see through. Outside there were two guards talking. The door was locked, perhaps even bolted from the other side. She strangely enough happened to have her big sword with her, and she tried prying at the door to open it, and she also tried inserting the sword into the keyhole to pick it, but the sword was too large to do any of that. She tried hacking at the door, but the sword just sparked on the metal. She threw her little body against the door, but it wouldn't budge.

She got up on tiptoes and looked through the bars in the door, and she saw the two elves not far away, talking and laughing. They turned towards her, gesturing her way and laughing. One was acting more in charge, a woman, and her uniform seemed to indicate that she was the captain of the guard-- and she looked rather like Ramana's mother. This captain was talking to a man who looked rather like Ramana's father. She had the distinct impression that they were laughing at her, as if they knew that they had her penned in and there was nothing she could do about it.

She threw her body again at the door in anger and frustration, and surprisingly this time the door came open. She lunged at the captain, and knocked her down, landing on top of her, her sword at the ready to kill her. Then she heard someone shout 'stop', and as she was looking at the woman that she was preparing to kill, the captain's visage wavered and no longer looked like her mother. Ramana became confused. Then she felt a blade stab in her back, and she blacked out.

When she came to, she sat up with a start, disorientedly reaching out with her left arm. The surface her hand contacted felt wooden. It wasn't what she had expected. She had thought that she was reviving near the magic stones again, but she wasn't. The surface that her hand lay upon was the wall of the room in the Trade and Tackel where she had been staying for the past few days.

Laying back for a few moments, recovering from the shock, she thought about the nightmare. It was pretty obvious what it was about. Her anger at her mother and father, the feeling of self-empowerment she found in killing, coupled with the cult's tactics of persuasion in offering her a sense of belonging and importance, had given her uncertain sense of self something to latch onto, overcome her reason and her will, and led her to take that assignment to kill the Captain of the Guard. Ramana had been lashing out, and had chosen the avenue and the target unwisely, even more unwisely than the attack on the ettin that had done in her shoulder. The cult had just used her, used her confusion, and now she was the one who paid the consequences. They should be the ones paying... but she was not strong enough to take them all on herself. She pounded her sword arm on the bed in anger, making her shoulder twinge.

She sighed in frustration. But then she thought of something. Maybe... maybe she should write a letter to the the Captain to tell her who had put out the contract on her, and then they would probably hunt down the cult and slaughter them. And maybe it just might help the Feywood to start to forgive Ramana for her gross stupidity. After all, she had not been successful and the Captain still lived-- so maybe they might, just might, have some mercy on her. It was worth trying. She would think about it, especially about how to word the letter to show them that she really was sorry for being such an idiot. And she need to figure how could she get the letter to them, as she was sure she still couldn't show her face around Feywood without being cut down before she could speak.

She got up out of bed. She felt physically well enough to dress, creating a sling for her arm from a cloth. Then she went upstairs for porridge.

(to be continued)



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

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Ramana Jala
03:16:15 PM 06/17/08

Registered Member #1033
Joined: 07:18:42 PM 04/24/07
Location: Traveling the Planes
Posts: 1094
// Introspections // continued //


After breakfast she came back to her room. She pulled up a chair to sit down in front of the low chest of drawers, pulling out her notebook and setting it down in front of her. She leafed through a few of Fade's and then Ammon's poems that she had copied down, then turned to the one she had written.

Right after Ramana had read her first poem to Ammon, on that day before the accident, he had suggested some things to improve it a bit, and she had agreed that she liked his edits better. And he had said it was a good start. But he had also said that it was too thinky, not entirely from her feelings, and she felt that this was probably so. But at least it was -hers-. The first-ever poem she had written all on her own because of herself and her own life, that wasn't some tutored lesson imitation of some long-dead great master of elven poetry from some used-to-be magnificent house in an ancient age.

She almost tore the page out of her notebook in disgust at how clumsy and contrived it seemed, and the self-absorption it displayed, and how it was probably derivative of something she'd read. But then she edited it a bit more and let it be.


When the wind blows
I feel you touching me,
brushing by,
teasing invisibly.

In the night time,
I feel your eyes on me,
midnight sapphire eyes
watching silently.

In the darkness,
I feel you near to me,
your calm surrounding,
protecting in tranquility.

When sleep approaches,
I feel you holding me,
all around with love,
embracing soothingly.

In my dreams,
I feel you inside of me,
in my heart and soul,
a part of me.



(to be continued)



Jalla Desat (née: dem Vald) - Half-Elf Druidess, Druid of The Source of All Life, soul-mate to Krin Desat, mother to their four children, Dame of Pack Far-Runner, Tel'Varataurie elder, Feywood Taur'ohtarie, Harper, mystic, healer, herbologist.
Wikia Bio Playlist


Ramana Domefarar - Elf Ranger, Estelglin of the Greenvale Estel Tirindor (she finally took a side). Publicly a Ranger, privately a Rogue Opportunist. A follower of Fenmarel Mestarine, the self-reliant Lone Wolf. Also a Sensate of Sharess, a pleasure and bliss junkie. And a well-armed goth groupie.
Wikia Bio Playlist Threads Journal of Two Conjoined Lives


Ranara Duauth - Elf Wizardess. A ‘shadowchild’, a being created by water and shadow, actually an alternating manifestation of Ramana. A follower of Prizimal (Keeper of the Balance of Light and Darkness), and in this universe is a friend to Wai’i’lani.
Wikia Bio Playlist Her complex story begins here: Her Shadow Self Current Events:Journal of Two Conjoined Lives

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